This post is from 2015, but I find the topic of miscarriage to still be very difficult for some women. However, I will say that our society has been more open in encouraging women to share their grief and in offering support. And for that I am thankful.
It’s been awhile, almost two years awhile, since I’ve last written here. To me, writing is my therapy, my sanity, my I don’t need a $40 copay and a therapist. Sometimes, I write here or there, most of the time, it’s somewhere private. But for the most part, I am an open book. And that’s okay. I can respect that other people are more private. But I feel better when I talk things through. I love the idea that something I may have said may make someone laugh or not feel alone. We all go through the same emotions from time to time, and I feel comfort in being someone’s support, as well having people support me.
I don’t write sad things for pity or attention. In fact, I despise attention. I’m shy at heart, but I am a talker. I love to talk and I love meeting new people and being with friends. It doesn’t change however that I am shy. Can’t someone be an introverted extrovert?
That being said, when I get excited, I get excited and I can’t contain myself. I can keep other peoples’ secrets forever…vault it, take it to the grave. But if it’s me…well, that’s a different story. I was the kid at Christmas who opened up her presents and rewrapped them. Hey, who’s perfect? You could ask me what I had for lunch and and I would blurt out, “I’m pregnant!” I just can’t contain happiness. But why should I?
The line has switched. I am no longer pregnant. I now am the woman who has two sad stories to tell instead of one. But, why is miscarriage so taboo to talk about? Why are women instructed to wait until after 12 weeks to share their joy? I think for the private people, this unspoken rule makes sense. But for the excited crazies like me, why do we have to wait? Why do we have to be made to feel guilty? Just so we don’t have to tell people that we miscarried?
I just had a miscarriage. Twice in a row. I. am. devastated. I may punch someone who tells me, well you shouldn’t have told. What does that have to do with it? I actually told close friends and family and people I work with because I had joy. I will not apologize for that. Ever. Not to mention, there were times when I needed help and sometimes we all have to ask for help. My body also made it hard for me to keep a secret. I was showing at 6 weeks.
I don’t want pity. I don’t want that sad look. But I’m a talker and if I bring it up, it’s because it’s part of me and sharing helps me heal. I believe in celebrating life and joy, even if it’s short lived. I loved my twins even though we only had 12 weeks together. I loved this baby, even though God saw that it wasn’t the time again. These experiences are a part of me.
I hope other women can find the strength to not blame themselves when these things happen. Deep down, I know it wasn’t my fault. And I hope other people will learn to not offer up things like, “She shouldn’t have announced it” or “Be thankful for what you have.” Believe me, I am. But it doesn’t hurt any less. I sometimes envy the girls who hold it all in, but deep down I know they must need a release too. And it’s okay to fall apart for a little bit. I know I did, still am. But to me, my support system is amazing and I thank my loud mouth for that. 🙂